This is a long post.
There has been 10712 posts and in all probability, there should be at least one other parent with special needs child(ren).
How do parents with special needs child(ren) prepare for retirement. Let me define the parameters of special needs - it is not those 'mild' ones such as dysphraxia or even dyslexia or deaf or mild ADHD.
I am talking about those severe enough to cause a parent to stop working and take care of their child(ren) full time at home eg moderate/severe autism, chromosomal disorders (too numerous to list), bed-ridden and etc.
I am a parent of such a child. And I can tell you that one of the wisest financial decisions that I made was to let myself and my wife to continue working full time.
The fact is that, with these disorders, having a parent full time with the child makes little to no difference to the well being of the child. It does NOT improve end outcomes. It does soothe one's conscience BUT you gotta balance that with the opportunity cost of foregone salaries and deal with the 'guilt' that the child is not improving in spite of you taking care of the child full time.
What the parent needs to do is to put the child in a special school and also put the child in a Special Student Child Care (SSCC) after school. This will allow both parents to work for both income and respite from the child.
This will allow for decent accumulation of financial reserves. At the ppoint when the child reaches 18, you are most probably approaching 50. Then that is the time you gotta decide - do you want to continue work full time or part time (this luxury is afforded by you having worked full time for the past 25 years or so). In any case, your child will llikely go to one of the DACs and DACs can be expensive if your HH income exceeds subsidy thresholds. Do your sums well and try to get under threshold.
As you get older - approaching 62 and considering putting your child (by then a man or a woman) in a residential home), do think of renting out (do NOT sell) your
HDB and rent a unit at a cheap condo across the causeway. Do NOT buy Malaysian properties. Rent instead. You need the flexibility in case the home has issues with your child.
Having a special needs child is already very tough on you and your spouse. Don't make it worse by having a financial crunch as well..
10 years ago, I asked an OT what he thought about me or my wife stopping work and doing FT care for my child. He advised not to. I am grateful for his advice.
Having said all this, I cannot say that full time work for both is a prescription for every family with special needs child(ren). BUT do keep in mind that there are 2 immutables in your situation (and mine).
1) Our child will remain disabled - UNLESS God allows a miracle but certainly not by the effort or work of man
2) He is going to need money, lots of money to provide for him while we are still around and after we are gone.