Hello i need career advice. I just graduated last year from local uni with 2nd lower honors in political science. I joined the civil service last year august. For the first few months of my job, i was posted to an 'attachment'. The attachment is usually to a less desirable job, either public facing and/or bad hours(shift pattern). I think its supposed to see if you can tolerate the worst jobs the organization has to offer. After my attachment of 7 months, I was posted to my current job.
Background about current job
My current job is desk bound in office, with a location about ten minutes by public transport from my house. I work 8 and a half hours everyday, though almost everyday i am forced to stay back about 45 mins to an hour(not that i really mind). The pay is not too bad either, slightly above market rate i think. My job does not offer/require specialized knowledge, only very generic skills. I basically do stuff like send emails everyday, review plans, write NOMs/
MAs, stuff that i would term
administrative. My current organization is also really small, with very limited career advancement/progression. The only movement usually is horizontally, where you get posted to a different posting.
Issues with my current job
I have been at my current location for about 2-3 months. While the skills required is considered generic, there are still certain knowledge that is required. For example, it can be a certain way my organization does things, or knowledge about the job. I have no background knowledge or experience and my previous attachment has no relation with the current job.
As such I have to rely on my colleague to teach me. Note that he is the only one in my department that is doing the same job as me, so i have no one else to approach. This colleague is making things very difficult for me, and refusing to teach properly. Instead of teaching/coaching properly, he would send an email with very vague instructions. Whenever i attempt to clarify or ask questions, I would either get a very passive aggressive or sarcastic answer. I am also pretty sure that he has been sabotaging my work. As he is my 'teacher' I sometimes send my work for him to view first before sending it to my superiors. Previously I trusted him and did not think he would sabotage me, so i did not check when he send back to me for submission to bosses.
As a result, I have made several errors and mistakes. While I have apologized to my superior and taken personal responsibility for the mistakes, I think my superior is starting to think that i am incompetent, which i am pretty sure is my colleague's objective.
To illustrate, my superior has told me to clarify when in doubt. However, when i attempt to clarify with my colleague, he would give unhelpful/unnecessary comments. He also has this ability to make me feel like its my fault, that I am incompetent, whenever something goes wrong, or when i make a mistake.
I think that I am unable to seek assistance from my superiors as they seem to like him quite alot.
Effect on me
This past 2-3 months have had a negative effect on my mental health. I have been getting anxiety attacks, stress rash, and have even considering hurting myself just so I can avoid seeing her. I have totally lost my appetite to the degree that I can just eat 2 pieces of bread in the morning and not feel hungry for the rest of the day. I feel hopeless and miserable, and I cant even picture myself next week. I have to take everyday, day by day and hope I don't lose it/break down. Everyday I just tell myself to hold on to the end of the day, just survive.
This has got to the point that I decided to go see a counselor. I am worried i get diagnosed with depression. I started 2 weeks ago and seen him twice, but today is especially bad so i am writing to ask for help.
As a result, I have totally lost interest in my job. I no longer feel the drive to excel, I just want to survive the day and get out of the office.
Advice needed
I think I would like to quit this job. I have already identified a few jobs that I am actually interested in and would like to apply for. However I am worried that employers would ask about this job and why I left in less than a year. What should I tell them? Should I even quit?
I have sought advice from my mother who mentioned that I shouldn't quit, that I should tough it out and that I would meet these kind of people everywhere. She says I should just bootlick my colleague until he leaves me alone. I think I am physically unable to do it. I am at a loss. I fear for my mental health.
And to those people who feel compelled to point it out, yes i am aware that i am letting this colleague get to me, and that there are plenty of people who are in worse circumstances than me. The thoughts that I am a loser, a coward have all occurred to me, so you could probably save your time.
TLDR:
I want to quit my first job(after graduation) of 9 months because toxic colleague is causing mental health issues. Need advice.