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Does it make sense to leave Singapore for hometown in this scenario?

Poll: Should I move back to my hometown?
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Should I move back to my hometown?

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 24-03-2014, 05:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Devjyoti View Post
Unregistered 2:Unregistered 4: I have a family who owned a business a few generations back.Now the business has been sold, we still have huge property in posh locations in my hometown. My dad owns such a big property in the heart of the city, which he rents out for marriages in India, he earns quite a bit for every marriage & other party. I honestly don't have any business ideas of my own, my dad keeps telling me I should think of business ideas as I come from a business family, I also don't think I have the temperament for business in India, there's way too much bribing & corruption. I could possibly get a job in my hometown.

Regarding my wife, yes there's definitely that side to it, she does want the life of the rich & thats' probably the main part. Also, she feels I am unlikely to land any well paying job at 35 post this MBA, she says I'm also much lazier than my consulting friends who are into jobs with no work life balance, she says if my career is already stagnating now, its going to be worse post this MBA while my friends' will do even better for themselves then.
Dude, your wife is a no no. Not only does she not respect you (you being the one who brings the bread home), she actually looks down on you. Yet at the same time, living off you and insisting that you give her the life of the rich. Her character doesn't appeal, at all. That's the bad thing about arranged marriage. So what did you get out of the marriage?

You seemed like you've an extensive network of high-flyer friends. Why don't you consult them and see if they're able to offer you any jobs, before you think of getting an MBA? Seek their advice since they've been there done that isn't it?

Insead probably is the best place to get an MBA in Singapore, though the cost will amount more than $100k. That's excluding the opportunity costs and time you've spent to study for MBA (full time I'm assuming). Why not join a company, prove yourself, let them send you for MBA instead?

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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 24-03-2014, 07:19 PM
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You get paid for your contributions to the company and not how smart you're or how well you do in class. Don't compare with others. Search your feeling and follow your heart. Look for jobs that you enjoy doing.

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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 24-03-2014, 08:36 PM
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Default your troubles

Hi,
Why are you discussing all your personal/domestic troubles on this forum? Can't you find a counsellor who can guide you?
Or do what many other persons do - seek an astrologer.

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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 25-03-2014, 01:19 AM
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Dude, why be so hard on yourself here? Go back! You can live like a king back home!

Think about it: No stress. Good life. Pretty wife. Why choose a hard life that is full of competition with a total lack of acceptance here?

You claim to love this place, but actually you hate yourself for not obtaining what your 'friends' have achieved.

You must learn to accept, that you will lead a comfortable life of luxury. And it is within easy reach. All you have to do is to move back home. To your nice loving family.

There is absolutely no need to prove anything to anyone. Accept, and be yourself. Go home. That is where your life truly is!
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 25-03-2014, 01:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Dude, why be so hard on yourself here? Go back! You can live like a king back home!

Think about it: No stress. Good life. Pretty wife. Why choose a hard life that is full of competition with a total lack of acceptance here?

You claim to love this place, but actually you hate yourself for not obtaining what your 'friends' have achieved.

You must learn to accept, that you will lead a comfortable life of luxury. And it is within easy reach. All you have to do is to move back home. To your nice loving family.

There is absolutely no need to prove anything to anyone. Accept, and be yourself. Go home. That is where your life truly is!
Dear OP,

Trust me you are not the only "intelligent or smart" person from India in Singapore. Don't you know that there are SIA scholars who come to Singapore to study undergrad ? These are students who have easily gotten above 90% in their 12th class. You are suffering from the Indian mentality of comparing siblings/cousins/neighbours. After staying in Singapore for over 4 years, I have come to understand that this mentaility is prevalent even here. Seems very asian. All I can say is, one doesn't need to be a top student to earn handsomely. Work life is very different - your grades only help you land a job (when you are a fresh graduate) but after that it is the quality and contribution of work done that matters.

You are still young and there is nothing wrong to do an MBA. Unlike in India, where immediately after completing an Engineering degree students start preparing for IIM entrance to get a diploma in business admin (and hence they are relatively young [21 + 2 ~ 23 year]), it is a common practice in USA or other countries where students go for MBA only after gaining considerable work experience and this means they are mature students when they apply and get enrolled to MBA programmes.

Why does your wife and in-laws want to get divorce on such a trivial matter? They simply do not support or respect your decisions. There is nothing wrong about not telling about your plans of doing MBA before marriage. That is not something like a big medical condition that you had hidden. I would have expected your wife to support your decision since you both have been married for over an year or so. If 1 year is less and they are threatening about divorce, you seriously need to re-think about your future. Do you want a wife who will not support you? I am sure you will face many such situations in future where decisions will have to be made. I don't think you would want to come to forum to get suggestions everytime. And I am also sure you would not want to be always threatened about divorce each time you face such situations. You need more support from your wife.
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 25-03-2014, 11:31 AM
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You should go back to India and set up a business. You can also set up an organisation to feed the poor and take care of children orphans. This is the true meaning of life - to serve others.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 25-03-2014, 10:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Devjyoti View Post
Before marriage I'd applied for the PR the third time, I'd told my wife this, but I hadn't mentioned that I'd applied twice before.
Err... why do you keep such important information from her?
I think you have bigger problems on hand besides not being able to find a job.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 26-03-2014, 05:29 PM
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Default applying for PR is not a crime

Hi, Applying for PR three times and facing a rejecting is not the same as a criminal conviction or jail term. Why are your wife and her parents treating you like a criminal? Looks like the problem lies with you and you need to take a good, hard look at yourself.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 26-03-2014, 05:55 PM
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Honestly, the internet is not a forum for you get good answers.

Having said that, this is what i will do

a. Talk to senior people I respect and is close enough to understand my family context. not from direct family ie dad/mom as this is too close to heart to be clear.

b. Draw up a clear plan of what you define as being successful after all this.

c. Ask your wife to do the same for b.

d. Sit down with wife to get alignment of both your plans. Marriage takes both hands to clap. And this is the start of that long journey. To be successful in negotiation, i will bring her to a nice place which i know she will enjoy before i broach the topic. If she is too heated up, stay calm. One party has to learn to be the adult in the relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Devjyoti View Post
Background

Age 31+,
Education: Economics graduate from India, Masters in Accounting & Finance from Australia, CPA in Singapore
Job History: 7 years in Singapore, worked in two of the big four followed by job in a bank as product controller/risk
Job Status: Job is moving to Pune & Poland
Salary: Little less than 100k per annum, has been stagnant for two years
Marital Status: Married, wife, age 27 +, is a homemaker & unlikely to get a job
Social Life: Friends make 2.5 times what I make,
Residency Status: Here on EP, PR application rejected thrice, most friends' PR

Family Background in India: Very well off family, dad owns multi million dollar property in India which he rents out, dad is very keen I return to India, I'm the only child. Mom wants me to do what I like

Wife is also an only child, she too comes from a reasonably well off background. She and her parents too are keen that I move back to India.

There are reasonable job opportunities in India for both me & my wife.

I want to continue living in Singapore, as my salary is stagnating, I hope to go to do an MBA from a top B school (this was a long cherished dream of mine). After my MBA, I don't want to do consulting as there's no life, but hope to get some better paying job.

Wife and wife's father(he's quite successful in the corporate world in India) feel I'll be too old as an MBA graduate at 34-34 besides all my friends' would have moved up even more in those two years and I'll be left stagnating even more after the MBA.

I had hoped that my wife could perhaps find a job and remain behind in Singapore with that job, so that I can come back & job hunt on her Dependent Pass, she refuses to do this, her parents got furious with this suggestion, they said that like all Indian men, I should've first completed my education before getting married, and if I had plans to do this MBA, I should've married at 35 post this MBA.

I hadn't mentioned to my wife that I had plans to do an MBA before I married her, we had an arranged marriage, the topic of my friends' MBA & her cousins' MBA had come up in a few conversations, I hadn't mentioned my own plans of the MBA then.

We have completed one year of marriage, my wife now says its time we start trying for a baby, as she wants to be a mother before 30, and I am old enough as some of my friends' are already fathers.

I feel I just can't afford a child yet and don't know if/when I will be able to afford one in Singapore. I can easily afford one in India if I lived with my parents.

Her parents too are very keen on a grandchild, her old grandparents too are anxious to be great grandparents.

We had heated arguments on this topic, I had told her that she should've asked me if I want to do an MBA, also she should have told me if she wanted a child early, she says that when a 26 year old woman marries a 30 year old man, she assumes he's completed his education (she says like all my friends' have completed their education) & will settle into family life in a few years, rather than now do a full time MBA, & that if such a man is stagnating, he should move to another city or country instead.

Should I move back to India in this scenario?


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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 27-03-2014, 01:34 PM
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Hi TS,

You have more than just a few problems. I'll just highlight three:

1. You do not know what you really want.
NOBODY here can help you with that. Sorry but no, we're not sorry.

2. You do not know how to achieve what you want.
You "want" a higher pay, don't want to work hard for it (ie. management consulting) and expect your (next?) employer to pay you more just because you have an MBA? You couldn't get into INSEAD with a 680 for GMAT and your fantastic academic results and experience? Something is really wrong and you need proper help.

3. You care too much what others think.
If you can't change this, you could divorce your wife and her parents (I'm sure some of your successful friends would advise this too) so you'll at least reduce a heck load of negativity.

If you want the easy way out, you could just go back to India! Be grateful you have such a fallback plan. Us Singaporeans don't.
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