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I'm such a failure. Anyone can help me?

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 25-06-2011, 02:58 PM
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Angry I'm such a failure. Anyone can help me?

I'm 27 and I graduated from NYP with a diploma in Electronics, Computers and Communications Engineering.

After my NS, I studied a BsC Degree in Economics and Finance for 4 years (But I kept failing and still have 1 more year to go)

I was in an online relationship for 2 years and spent almost everynight with this Chinese girl. My grades deterioated as I thought she is the girl of my life.

We are supposed to meet this month which is my birthday after 2.5years of chatting online. My dreams and hopes are dashed when I discovered she have been two-timing me and cohabiting with a guy for some time.

All my efforts of getting her back are futile. I hated myself not going to meet her earlier and also found it a blessing in disguise because that showed what kind of character she is.

One of a friend introduced me to be a Fiancial Advisor in a certain life assurance company. I passed M5, but failed M9. This terribly gave me a morale drop in life. I was at a point on the verge of suicide if not for the utmost support and concern of my friends and family.

My CV only stated one job which I worked probably 1+year ago as a IT guy in a company for several months short stint.

I think I'm lost in life. Others 27 year old are earning big bucks, driving big car but I'm just a nobody, a failure.

I'm not asking for directions, I am just not definite. I don't know if being FA is really what I want. I don't see myself servicing others for the many years down the road. Like everyone, I want a lot of money during the shortest period of time to repay my father who has been shouldering me with the education assistance these years. I'm such a letdown.

Anyone can help? I know I must help myself first.

Regards,
JL

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Old 25-06-2011, 03:31 PM
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Try focusing on your career first. Try to get a job related to telecommunications or the IT industry.

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Old 25-06-2011, 09:15 PM
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hi, don't choose your life to revolve around girls or unrealistic expectations.

my advice is to stay focused on one thing. now, it's time to focus on your career.

not everyday can pass M9 at one go. It just means you will need to work harder. At the end, you will be better more familiar with M9 than others who passed by luck on first time.

find wad you really want and like to do in life. If you're in IT, concentrate on your IT skills n knowledge. If you wan to move to finance industry, be prepared to work doubly hard because you're going to learn plenty of new things.

When you can achieve these, success (girls and money) will come your way.

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  #4 (permalink)  
Old 26-06-2011, 12:21 AM
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Default 17years your senior

Quote:
Originally Posted by JL84 View Post
I'm 27 and I graduated from NYP with a diploma in Electronics, Computers and Communications Engineering.

After my NS, I studied a BsC Degree in Economics and Finance for 4 years (But I kept failing and still have 1 more year to go)

I was in an online relationship for 2 years and spent almost everynight with this Chinese girl. My grades deterioated as I thought she is the girl of my life.

We are supposed to meet this month which is my birthday after 2.5years of chatting online. My dreams and hopes are dashed when I discovered she have been two-timing me and cohabiting with a guy for some time.

All my efforts of getting her back are futile. I hated myself not going to meet her earlier and also found it a blessing in disguise because that showed what kind of character she is.

One of a friend introduced me to be a Fiancial Advisor in a certain life assurance company. I passed M5, but failed M9. This terribly gave me a morale drop in life. I was at a point on the verge of suicide if not for the utmost support and concern of my friends and family.

My CV only stated one job which I worked probably 1+year ago as a IT guy in a company for several months short stint.

I think I'm lost in life. Others 27 year old are earning big bucks, driving big car but I'm just a nobody, a failure.

I'm not asking for directions, I am just not definite. I don't know if being FA is really what I want. I don't see myself servicing others for the many years down the road. Like everyone, I want a lot of money during the shortest period of time to repay my father who has been shouldering me with the education assistance these years. I'm such a letdown.

Anyone can help? I know I must help myself first.

Regards,
JL
Your Online 'Relationship'
Why would you want to 'get her back' when she was never yours to begin with? Online friendship carries very little responsibilities unlike a real physical one. You should re-focus your energy in building real friendships and hopefully meet someone you love and can love you in return.

Your Career & Aspiration
Not many 27 year olds are earning big bucks and driving big cars. Most are also working hard for a living or to pursue their dreams. The important thing is set realistic goals, work towards it and be flexible enough to lower/adjust your aspirations to changing circumstances in your life but not be too fickle and kept changing your course of action.

Facing up to reality
Some people I know kept dropping out from one course just to start another as a sub-concious response to aviod facing up to reality and 'buy' time. If I am your parent, I'll be happier seing you taking small concrete steps to build your career and improve your self than to keep dreaming of earning big bucks quickily to repay me.

You are definitely not a failure and there are many people who are in worse off situation than you. I am also facing some difficulties in life at the moment and can understand how depressing thoughts can really pull one down. Take heart, the best is yet to be. And there's a Chinese proverb : "feng shui lun liu zhuan". The good times are ahead.
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Old 26-06-2011, 12:31 AM
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Good advice.
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Old 26-06-2011, 02:27 AM
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JL84,

You mentioned other 27yo are driving big cars. A simple salary calculation will reveal the truth that most sg males in their late 20s that drive fancy cars are not rich at all. Sure, some made it big, some come from a rich family. Most of the rest are struggling to pay off their cars and possibly their house and are trapped in the rat race already. Don't judge a person's wealth by their cars, dress or other petty possessions.

If you have friends around ur age that are really wealthy, try to associate with them more and figure out how they made it big. Surround yourself with these winners. Winners have that "drive" in them and are generally more encouraging towards those around them.

Good luck and hang in there!
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Old 26-06-2011, 11:03 PM
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Hey

I am 14 years older than you. I don't have a big car and I don't regard that as a failure.

Do not measure success by the material achievements. Some of these are temporary. You have the youth on your side. You can afford to choose and pick your path. Even if it may turn out unsuccessful, you have the time to adjust your course. By the age of 35, you should maintain the course and seek stability. Be patience and success will come along.

I have my fair share of up swing and down swing of my career. The last few years were up swing but you never know when the down swing will come. Always take them as lessons learnt to improve yourself so that when the next up swing comes, you swing higher than before.

Lastly, whatever said about career, it is the family that is utmost important.
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Old 27-06-2011, 12:07 AM
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I think you should study hard and complete your degree ASAP. Afterwards, even if you get an entry-level job with average pay, you should be able to work your way up.
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Old 27-06-2011, 06:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JL84 View Post
I'm 27 and I graduated from NYP with a diploma in Electronics, Computers and Communications Engineering.

After my NS, I studied a BsC Degree in Economics and Finance for 4 years (But I kept failing and still have 1 more year to go)

I was in an online relationship for 2 years and spent almost everynight with this Chinese girl. My grades deterioated as I thought she is the girl of my life.

We are supposed to meet this month which is my birthday after 2.5years of chatting online. My dreams and hopes are dashed when I discovered she have been two-timing me and cohabiting with a guy for some time.

All my efforts of getting her back are futile. I hated myself not going to meet her earlier and also found it a blessing in disguise because that showed what kind of character she is.

One of a friend introduced me to be a Fiancial Advisor in a certain life assurance company. I passed M5, but failed M9. This terribly gave me a morale drop in life. I was at a point on the verge of suicide if not for the utmost support and concern of my friends and family.

My CV only stated one job which I worked probably 1+year ago as a IT guy in a company for several months short stint.

I think I'm lost in life. Others 27 year old are earning big bucks, driving big car but I'm just a nobody, a failure.

I'm not asking for directions, I am just not definite. I don't know if being FA is really what I want. I don't see myself servicing others for the many years down the road. Like everyone, I want a lot of money during the shortest period of time to repay my father who has been shouldering me with the education assistance these years. I'm such a letdown.

Anyone can help? I know I must help myself first.

Regards,
JL
if it helps, I know what you are going through. I had only 100 S$ in my bank account when I was 24. My parents were poor, so I got no headstart, no car, no trust fund, no connections. I made a few bad career choices and drifted between jobs until I was 29. I was lucky to had a restart at age 30. Friends of mine at that age were already married, had kids, cars etc. It is human to compare and it can get demoralizing. However, just focus on what you want, set small goals and hang around friends that are supportive. It is during these times, you can separate true friends from those fake ones. I am now 42, and very happy. My wife just had a baby, I have my dream job that pays well and should be able to retire in 3 years time. Live your own life and don't have success defined by singapore standards. Difficult for me to tell you what to do, career wise, but you should not stop trying. The more you try the clearer your goals become. Most of us graduate from school not knowing what we want. The worst thing in life is to be stuck in a job for 10 over years only to find out what you want but not having the courage to make the switch because of the opportunity costs. You have no opportunity costs and most importantly, you are still young to start all over.
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Old 27-06-2011, 09:07 AM
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Heyo, life is full of ups and down, just like roller coaster rides. Just embrace them and remember when you are down, soon you will have good times ahead of you. Just keep in faith in yourself and believe in the things that you doing, like building your career. Just be consistent and keep your focus on it. Once you gain the momentum, you are on your way up! you are not a failure at least you still have the option to choose to succeed and not just to survive. Hope you get yourself up fast and no longer waste time in some self-pity.
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