I'm such a failure. Anyone can help me?
 

I'm 27 and I graduated from NYP with a diploma in Electronics, Computers and Communications Engineering.

After my NS, I studied a BsC Degree in Economics and Finance for 4 years (But I kept failing and still have 1 more year to go)

I was in an online relationship for 2 years and spent almost everynight with this Chinese girl. My grades deterioated as I thought she is the girl of my life.

We are supposed to meet this month which is my birthday after 2.5years of chatting online. My dreams and hopes are dashed when I discovered she have been two-timing me and cohabiting with a guy for some time.

All my efforts of getting her back are futile. I hated myself not going to meet her earlier and also found it a blessing in disguise because that showed what kind of character she is.

One of a friend introduced me to be a Fiancial Advisor in a certain life assurance company. I passed M5, but failed M9. This terribly gave me a morale drop in life. I was at a point on the verge of suicide if not for the utmost support and concern of my friends and family.

My CV only stated one job which I worked probably 1+year ago as a IT guy in a company for several months short stint.

I think I'm lost in life. Others 27 year old are earning big bucks, driving big car but I'm just a nobody, a failure.

I'm not asking for directions, I am just not definite. I don't know if being FA is really what I want. I don't see myself servicing others for the many years down the road. Like everyone, I want a lot of money during the shortest period of time to repay my father who has been shouldering me with the education assistance these years. I'm such a letdown.

Anyone can help? I know I must help myself first.

Regards,
JL

Try focusing on your career first. Try to get a job related to telecommunications or the IT industry.

hi, don't choose your life to revolve around girls or unrealistic expectations.

my advice is to stay focused on one thing. now, it's time to focus on your career.

not everyday can pass M9 at one go. It just means you will need to work harder. At the end, you will be better more familiar with M9 than others who passed by luck on first time.

find wad you really want and like to do in life. If you're in IT, concentrate on your IT skills n knowledge. If you wan to move to finance industry, be prepared to work doubly hard because you're going to learn plenty of new things.

When you can achieve these, success (girls and money) will come your way.

17years your senior
 

Your Online 'Relationship'
Why would you want to 'get her back' when she was never yours to begin with? Online friendship carries very little responsibilities unlike a real physical one. You should re-focus your energy in building real friendships and hopefully meet someone you love and can love you in return.

Your Career & Aspiration
Not many 27 year olds are earning big bucks and driving big cars. Most are also working hard for a living or to pursue their dreams. The important thing is set realistic goals, work towards it and be flexible enough to lower/adjust your aspirations to changing circumstances in your life but not be too fickle and kept changing your course of action.

Facing up to reality
Some people I know kept dropping out from one course just to start another as a sub-concious response to aviod facing up to reality and 'buy' time. If I am your parent, I'll be happier seing you taking small concrete steps to build your career and improve your self than to keep dreaming of earning big bucks quickily to repay me.

You are definitely not a failure and there are many people who are in worse off situation than you. I am also facing some difficulties in life at the moment and can understand how depressing thoughts can really pull one down. Take heart, the best is yet to be. And there's a Chinese proverb : "feng shui lun liu zhuan". The good times are ahead.

Good advice.

JL84,

You mentioned other 27yo are driving big cars. A simple salary calculation will reveal the truth that most sg males in their late 20s that drive fancy cars are not rich at all. Sure, some made it big, some come from a rich family. Most of the rest are struggling to pay off their cars and possibly their house and are trapped in the rat race already. Don't judge a person's wealth by their cars, dress or other petty possessions.

If you have friends around ur age that are really wealthy, try to associate with them more and figure out how they made it big. Surround yourself with these winners. Winners have that "drive" in them and are generally more encouraging towards those around them.

Good luck and hang in there!

Hey

I am 14 years older than you. I don't have a big car and I don't regard that as a failure.

Do not measure success by the material achievements. Some of these are temporary. You have the youth on your side. You can afford to choose and pick your path. Even if it may turn out unsuccessful, you have the time to adjust your course. By the age of 35, you should maintain the course and seek stability. Be patience and success will come along.

I have my fair share of up swing and down swing of my career. The last few years were up swing but you never know when the down swing will come. Always take them as lessons learnt to improve yourself so that when the next up swing comes, you swing higher than before.

Lastly, whatever said about career, it is the family that is utmost important.

I think you should study hard and complete your degree ASAP. Afterwards, even if you get an entry-level job with average pay, you should be able to work your way up.

if it helps, I know what you are going through. I had only 100 S$ in my bank account when I was 24. My parents were poor, so I got no headstart, no car, no trust fund, no connections. I made a few bad career choices and drifted between jobs until　Ｉ　was 29. I was lucky to had a restart at age 30. Friends of mine at that age were already married, had kids, cars etc. It is human to compare and it can get demoralizing. However, just focus on what you want, set small goals and hang around friends that are supportive. It is during these times, you can separate true friends from those fake ones. I am now 42, and very happy. My wife just had a baby, I have my dream job that pays well and should be able to retire in 3 years time. Live your own life and don't have success defined by singapore standards. Difficult for me to tell you what to do, career wise, but you should not stop trying. The more you try the clearer your goals become. Most of us graduate from school not knowing what we want. The worst thing in life is to be stuck in a job for 10 over years only to find out what you want but not having the courage to make the switch because of the opportunity costs. You have no opportunity costs and most importantly, you are still young to start all over.

Heyo, life is full of ups and down, just like roller coaster rides. Just embrace them and remember when you are down, soon you will have good times ahead of you. Just keep in faith in yourself and believe in the things that you doing, like building your career. Just be consistent and keep your focus on it. Once you gain the momentum, you are on your way up! you are not a failure at least you still have the option to choose to succeed and not just to survive. Hope you get yourself up fast and no longer waste time in some self-pity.

here are the few things you need to do immediately:
1) stop whining like a wimp
2) severe all ties with the chinese gal
3) please, stop wasting money and clear your degree requirement
4) work very hard and very diligently at your current job

and here are two lessons you need to learn:
1) we sometimes go through a rought patch because of a series of unfortunate events due to the randomness of life. your rough patch is different. yours is due to your lack of focus, lack of motivation, and your general laziness. for example, you rather spend time on an online acquaintance whom you never meet than to work harder to clear your exam. until you start to be more focused, motivated and less lazy, your life will not have ups. so please change your attitude towards life rather than to embrace what you are going through now as a normal part of life's ups and downs.

2) you want to make a lot of money in the shortest time. ok, time to wake up. unless you strike toto, based on your character and intellect, it is unlikely that you will be rich in a short period of time. in fact, now that you are so far behind, it'll take you longer than normal to be rich cos u need to play catch up. understand that, and set realistic goals, and start with the 4 i mentioned above.

life is as good as it gets; it is up to you to make it better or worse. you have been making it worse; now start to make it better.

Since u are into your final year in your degree course, u ought to stay focused and complete it soon. Getting a degree will certainly boost your confidence.

If you are hard up for cash and u feel that your studies is manageable, you can consider taking up a tuition assignment.

Forget about the online relationship. It is a lesson learnt and treat it as an experience. Essentially, understand that relationship doesnt work in this manner. Most importantly, move on.

There are many feasible ways to enlarge your social circle, such as joining activities organized by certified dating agencies. You have not missed the boat.

But I would think that completing your degree remains to be the top priority. The current economic climate is still optimistic and hence you should be able to find a decent job upon graduation, may it be in the finance sector or engineering industry.

Get your life back on track. Good luck.

Finally I see a decent thread with real facts and encouragement from forummers, not those engineers "wanna be" bankers thread. Really like this thread wayyyy much better than those asking ppl how to be a banker. Those r shitty threads and those dreamers ought to be shot.

Anyway, life is not a bed of roses. Everybody goes thru tough times. Some stood up with others never got up. At least u r still young and time is on yr side. You should really look into the advise from others and start picking up.

At least in Singapore, you have a stable environment to start off in not like US, China etc where jobless rates are rising thru the roof. Anyway we leave it to u to decide yr life. Cheers

Nuff said and there are also other people experiencing far worse than what you are now. Think and act positive. There's a rainbow always after the rain.

Hi JL84, you need to start stepping on your brakes on the thought of getting rich quick. Sometimes its just not meant for everyone.

Now relax yourself & think of the things you have that money (eg. healthy body & mind) can't buy instead of being envy of your peers who seem to be more successful. Well... in some cases I am similar to you (except for the relationship part). Stop looking back at the past.

I'm have been sending out resumes for more than 11 months, got some interviews but did not get the offer. Well, one thing for sure... if you do not like sales job (eg. FA), DO NOT GET INTO ONE !

Sales job seems to drastically reduce your chances of switching career in the future. Why ? It is because of how the employment market is built, those lazy bums in recruitment agencies like to put people into sales jobs. Even if you try to apply for non-sales positions, they will call you & try to persuade you into trying for that particular position. Hoping you to jump into their trap out of desperation.

Reasons being:
1. Its not easy to find sales people (fast $ only applies if you are extremely good in sales).
2. One of the easiest method for recruitment agents to get commission (their comm is based on PER HEADCOUNT, eg. you see a position asking for 50x FA, its good & easy money for them. Much more effort is required for say... 1x Engineer or 1x Executive.)

Focus now on completing your degree & secure an entry level job that fits into your career path then move on from there.

I am 28 this year and just graduated with a degree from SIM-UOL. Like you, I do not have much working experiences except for short stints during vacation. I had failed my A levels and dropped out of polytechnic after 1 year. Thankfully, I manage to pick myself up when my school decided to take me in again the next academic year. By then, I was 6 years older than my peers doing the same course as me.

Both my parents are bankrupts from a failed business and my father had a stroke in 2006. I had to borrow from the bank to complete my degree. I had already sent out tons of resumes and non had gotten back to me. It had been 6 weeks since my last paper ended. With time running out, debts to clear and my family's expectations of me to support them, I am hoping to get a job ASAP. Sure I do get dishearten, but when you are really low in life, things are bound to look up.

Be focused, get your degree, nobody has the right to give up on you except yourself. Best of luck!

Thats the attitude man! it is normal to send out 100 resume n get no returns.

You sound like you have hit rock bottom dude.

But on the bright side, the only path is up from now on.

So chin up young man.

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
what's going to differentiate you from those who are born rich or are plain lucky is the character that you build when you work your way out of this hard times.

a strong character is priceless and will see you through all the highs and lows in your life.

its never too late to start. if this ending isn't what you want, it's not the end yet.

It's still not too late
 

Hey man,

it is still not too late to catch up with your peers as long as you are healthy and am willing to put in the extra effort.

It will be very painful in the beginning but if you keep pushing on, although you might not be among the front runners, you will catch up with the main pack.

It's kinda running a Marathon, you were slow to start but there is still a long distance to go. :)

I can only offer my own experience.

I was 25 when I graduated from NUS Arts and Soc Sciences. I then spent the two years doing absolutely nothing. This might be hard to believe but time flies when you're playing video games, clubbing, watching live sports and running the odd errand for my increasingly sad parents.

But i was increasingly discouraged as I saw my peers beginning to establish their careers as doctors, lawyers, etc. (Disclaimer: I spent 4 good teenage years studying in Bishan) And it was becoming increasingly hard to explain to potential employers about the gap since graduation. This became increasingly depressing.

At 27, I was totally lost and even entertained suicidal thoughts. But i discovered a Masters degree course that piqued my interest. I was very very lucky to secure a scholarship from the host country as well. So I left Sg to go overseas in 4 years ago.

Some months before departure, I met my then girlfriend. I told her that we should both give this long-distance relationship game a try and she agreed. I guess i was again very lucky as this long distance online relationship worked out - she is now my fiance.

I told myself that I'll be a new person in the UK , and that I'll start working harder than I ever did before (which was not hard!). One thing led to another, and I'm now working in a challenging and satisfying profession.

Late last year, the UK changed its visa regulations (unlike Sg) to make it harder for immigrants to stay. I was a bit sad, as everything changed within a day and I've to return to Sg. Thankfully, the small company i worked for quickly promoted me to ensure that my salary met the new requirements.

Life is inevitably full of challenges, but don't let your past define you. Anything is possible if you don't give up and resolve to turn your life around. Hard work is free!

Congratulations on making it!

I like the part on "unlike Sg".

Sad life
 

Sorry for hijacking ur thread as ur title do suits me as well.

I tendered my job a month back which in total 3 months period in the co. The job do early lot of money but decided to leave because i have alot of setback in my mind probably too choosy in everything. I love to do things with passion 1st, money 2nd.

Currently im still jobless... unemployed for 1 month already. trying my best to hook on a job i like but im still choosy because i dont want to hop again. I went to numbers of interviews but i rejected it by (half fark interview,hold on the offer and comparing with others,listen out about the job field etc...)

Worst of all, i dont have good qualification, i dont have good communication skill.... worst like pile of ****.

Was wondering what i should do right now...

Chinese gals are only good when they give you massage and in KTV...u pay them and they give you best service...otherwise....dun even go near...they are mostly traps..haha
I enjoy chinese gals.....I pay....they service...haha

i came from a family of 11. my parents have to raise all kids, they were neither rich or born with a sliver spoon. there is only the family there, happily eating and bonding each day after work, and at dawn. Your family loves you, dont make them worry.

with regards to your career, relationship, is it something you want to do? something that you have the desire or passion to fullfil? dont be a bun, wake up and ask yourself what you want to focus on and complete. set goals and stick to it.

You are indeed quite a loser and delusional, come on, a online gf for two years, I think you should wake up your idea and things will improve from there

You only fail when you give up. Decide what you want in life and set goals to help you work towards it. Be focus, determined and don't let anyone tell you that you can't achieve it.

Hey there, this is my opinion la.

Don't worry about friends who drive so called big cars... at that age, most have to tighten their belt (tight tight) to pay for the cars... do simple calculations, u will know.

My point of view is, It's ok to try out some career options, but by 30 be focus and work towards progression. Then again, these are just numbers. It's up to individual. I sincerely think at the age of 27, u r probably at the stage where u r learning and at a stage of 'trial and error'. As you move towards 30, be focus on your career.

I went through a rough ride in my mid 20s, I keep trying, learn from my mistakes, improve myself.. and when I look back, those rough rides made me stronger and wiser.

About girls.. relax dude, slow and steady. Just be sincere, don't try too hard and be cool. ;)

Anyway, I'm someone who don't really like to date... so well.. hahaha.. so no rush..

Appreciate life as a single person.
Appreciate life as an attached person.
Appreciate life as a married person.
Appreciate life as a married with children person.
Basically, appreciate life at every stage of your life.

Remember - Never give up. If there's a problem, there's a solution. Always think of positive solutions. :)

just to share, cheers.

set a goal and take small little concrete steps.. achieve little goals that will eventually help u achieve your main goal. as u go along, your confidence will grow.

cheers...

Great that you didn't give up and things have work out for you. Life is so short and one should try to make the most out of each day.

I was working in UK too and getting those immigration stuffs done especially for the whole family is really hard.

Dont give up in your pursuit towards success and happiness but give up on the gal, cut your losses fast.

Be focused, be diligent and be kind.

Work hard - most people are successful not because they are smart, but because they are smart and work hard, from school all the way in their career or business.

You are still young. Ask yourself honestly what you want in life. Decide decisively the areas of work you want to do and go for it.

I worked hard too in my life and happy for it.

All the best and dont give up !!!!!!!!

Greetings everybody,

This is JL84. It's been several months since I posted this thread. I would like to thank everyone for the encouragement.

I'm now working towards being a realtor currently, and is now taking a course. I hope everything will be smooth sailing!

As for the relationship, I guess time heals afterall. After all the two cents worth from friends and forumers, I guess I'm not really focused in life.

I was a greedy person who want to achieve a lot of things at the same time but I realised it would be so much easier if I chose to accomplish one thing at a time.

I hope this thread will still go on and serve as a reminder or motivation booster for like-minded individuals.

I sincerely wish those who want to give up on life not to do so.

If God gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Once again, thanks everybody.

be an agent? you really think agent make big bucks???

you are NOT alone
 

hey JL84,

Cheer up! You are not alone.

I'm the same batch as you but in a different polytechnic.
i guess my predicament is similar or maybe worse than yours.
My closest friends are getting married and their topic of conversation is usually about buying HDB house. My friends are driving cars and riding bike, and i still take crowded public transport. I'm still single and i felt left out.

Tried to go out with a few girls but it seems that they are not interested with a guy without a car.

I was unemployed for almost 3 months after i left my last employment.

There's time when i feel like giving up. Seriously.

Then i encountered this video. > LOOK AT YOURSELF AFTER WATCHING THIS.mp4 - YouTube

I thought to myself, if this guy can be positive and jovial without arms and legs, then why a normal guy like me with almost perfect health can't be that happy.

Then a job offer came and i decided to take it up even though the pay is quite low (2k per month). In addition, i decided to enroll myself to private U and take a part time degree.

I'm currently, in my first 2 months of part time study and I'll start my new job at the end of this month.

I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason.

I'm still looking for a girlfriend and i hope she's around the corner. I can't force a girl to like me, the best i can do is to behave like a gentlemen and show respect, sincerity and honesty to the girl and hope for the best.

So, don't give up. Make your dream a reality.

Your life is like a car and you are the driver. You can either let your hand off the steering wheel and hope for the best or you can take control of the steering wheel and guide it to safety and steer to its desired destination. You decide.

All the best and good luck.

Jbl84, how are things for you now?

It's been more than 7 years since I visited this forum. I happened to log in my old e-mail account and came back here.

Update:

I dropped out from my Uni after I passed my RES course. (Something I regret till now)

I guessed I'm just a mediocre agent after 6 years, when times are low, I do ad-hoc security jobs sometimes to supplement my expenses.

I just got ditched again.(Same real life PRC though)

Almost got into depression 5 years back. Guess leopard doesn't change its spot ya?

Now I just want to focus on my IT business. Hopefully, the next time I post here, all is well and good.

Till then, tata byebye!

surprised to see your response. wish you luck