What would you do? Move back to SG or stay in UK?

[roarke80]

Hiya, first time poster here, hoping for some friendly advice.

I've been based in the UK for the past 10 years, working in one of the best companies in the world for what I do (design). For the past few years I've been longing to return to SG to be with my family. After six months of job hunting I've only received one offer as what I do is quite specialised.

It's a good offer, representing a 23% increment over my current pay. (Due to high taxes, pay is low in UK). However work is not as interesting or challenging, and company is much smaller.

My partner is extremely reluctant to move back. He is not Chinese and often feels discriminated against in SG, which I understand. He wants to move back only in 2 years, when my eldest is due to start Primary 1. Even with all the flaws in our education system, I feel it is a safer bet than UK schools.

Having visited 10 preschools in SG, I do feel like she is receiving a better preschool education in the UK. However I am afraid she might find it hard to adjust, so my plan is to come back in a year for her to study K2 before entering Primary 1.

Of course by then it is far more uncertain, I would probably have no job offer and would be starting my own studio.

I have had many sleepless nights over this and I would love to hear what other people think. Especially people who have returned to SG from overseas, or given up a career you love for family and kids: do you have any regrets? Many thanks in advance!

You have already analysed your situation. It's a now matter of (1) accepting that the new job is less exciting but pays better, and (2) convincing your partner to move back.

I would not wait one year because I don't think your partner will feel less reluctant whether it's one year or 10 years.

Your Indian husband will struggle and your sons will have to do NS... please don't be one of those who lets your son enjoy the Singapore system but avoid NS when it comes to the time to give back to the country.

Honestly we don't need you here cos that means another NRI here thinking that they are better than us. Stay in the UK.

[roarke80]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

You have already analysed your situation. It's a now matter of (1) accepting that the new job is less exciting but pays better, and (2) convincing your partner to move back.

I would not wait one year because I don't think your partner will feel less reluctant whether it's one year or 10 years.

Thank you, that is very insightful. I forgot to mention I would be close to 40 if I move back in a year. Is ageism a real issue in SG and would I struggle to find a job?

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Your Indian husband will struggle and your sons will have to do NS... please don't be one of those who lets your son enjoy the Singapore system but avoid NS when it comes to the time to give back to the country.

Honestly we don't need you here cos that means another NRI here thinking that they are better than us. Stay in the UK.

I don't have sons, but if I did I would want them to serve NS. This post really makes me feel for my partner though.

Originally Posted by roarke80

Hiya, first time poster here, hoping for some friendly advice.

I've been based in the UK for the past 10 years, working in one of the best companies in the world for what I do (design). For the past few years I've been longing to return to SG to be with my family. After six months of job hunting I've only received one offer as what I do is quite specialised.

It's a good offer, representing a 23% increment over my current pay. (Due to high taxes, pay is low in UK). However work is not as interesting or challenging, and company is much smaller.

My partner is extremely reluctant to move back. He is not Chinese and often feels discriminated against in SG, which I understand. He wants to move back only in 2 years, when my eldest is due to start Primary 1. Even with all the flaws in our education system, I feel it is a safer bet than UK schools.

Having visited 10 preschools in SG, I do feel like she is receiving a better preschool education in the UK. However I am afraid she might find it hard to adjust, so my plan is to come back in a year for her to study K2 before entering Primary 1.

Of course by then it is far more uncertain, I would probably have no job offer and would be starting my own studio.

I have had many sleepless nights over this and I would love to hear what other people think. Especially people who have returned to SG from overseas, or given up a career you love for family and kids: do you have any regrets? Many thanks in advance!

I think it is a no brainer to stay in uk.
Firstly your husband wants it.
Secondly your kid will experience a less stressful education system.
Thirdly your job satisfaction.

Vs
A slight increase in your own pay.

[roarke80]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I think it is a no brainer to stay in uk.
Firstly your husband wants it.
Secondly your kid will experience a less stressful education system.
Thirdly your job satisfaction.

Vs
A slight increase in your own pay.

Thanks for your response, it's very helpful and concise to think of it this way. I do need to add though that I feel my quality of life (other than work life) is very low in UK and I definitely want to come back to SG eventually to be with family. SG education system is stressful but I would like my children to be challenged.

Reading more on the forums here it seems to be really hard to find jobs in SG nowadays, which also makes me feel worried about rejecting a job offer.

Is your NRI husband eloquent leecher or a contributing member of society? If its the former there's only so many of them we can accommodate in our tiny island, please. The poster quoted has succinctly distilled your present dilemma and the logical conclusion is obvious.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I think it is a no brainer to stay in uk.
Firstly your husband wants it.
Secondly your kid will experience a less stressful education system.
Thirdly your job satisfaction.

Vs
A slight increase in your own pay.

Originally Posted by roarke80

Thanks for your response, it's very helpful and concise to think of it this way. I do need to add though that I feel my quality of life (other than work life) is very low in UK and I definitely want to come back to SG eventually to be with family. SG education system is stressful but I would like my children to be challenged.

Reading more on the forums here it seems to be really hard to find jobs in SG nowadays, which also makes me feel worried about rejecting a job offer.

Anyway since this is a job forum. So people on this site are already pre selected, and the threads will be regarding job loss and how hard it is to find a job. People who are having cushy jobs will be less likely to be here.


Since you mention it, now it becomes your husband long term happiness vs yours.

Is your husband able to adapt to Singapore environment? Or you think you might be able to adapt to the UK environment more.

I believe your child can excel in UK system or Singapore system.

[roarke80]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Anyway since this is a job forum. So people on this site are already pre selected, and the threads will be regarding job loss and how hard it is to find a job. People who are having cushy jobs will be less likely to be here.


Since you mention it, now it becomes your husband long term happiness vs yours.

Is your husband able to adapt to Singapore environment? Or you think you might be able to adapt to the UK environment more.

I believe your child can excel in UK system or Singapore system.

Thank you, that's true, there's definitely selection bias here and I think I should stop reading the forums.

That's a good question. My husband has lived in SG happily for years but after experiencing a relatively equal UK society he is unable to deal with the racism here (as evidenced by the replies I am getting). However I don't think I can stay long term in the UK as it is starting to make me depressed.

Do you think it is stupid to reject a good job offer at 38? Is it a career killer to move from an internationally well known company to a slightly larger role in a very small local company? Alternatively I am also going to start retraining this year to hopefully open up more employment opportunities for myself in SG. Has anyone done that successfully at this age?

I know there aren't any definitive answers to my questions, but I would love to hear your opinions.

[roarke80]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Anyway since this is a job forum. So people on this site are already pre selected, and the threads will be regarding job loss and how hard it is to find a job. People who are having cushy jobs will be less likely to be here.


Since you mention it, now it becomes your husband long term happiness vs yours.

Is your husband able to adapt to Singapore environment? Or you think you might be able to adapt to the UK environment more.

I believe your child can excel in UK system or Singapore system.

Thank you! You're right, there is definitely selection bias here so I need to stop reading the forums. (Also everyone is very rich on these forums).

That's a good way of thinking about it. My husband lived in SG happily for a few years but after experiencing relative equality in UK is reluctant to deal with the racism here. (as evidenced by the replies I'm getting). I don't think I can stay much longer in UK as it is making me depressed. So we are quite stuck.

Is it stupid to reject a good job offer when I'm 38? Is it a career killer to go from a global leader in my field to a slightly larger role in a small local company? I'm planning to retrain to open up more employment opportunities in SG. Has anyone else done this successfully at around 40?

I know there are no definitive answers, but would love to hear your opinions. Many thanks!