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Old 29-08-2022, 04:44 PM
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My 12 hour work days are ruining my relationship

Iím a 5 year PQE funds lawyer working in big law. Iím currently working very closely with one of the firms top partners, for one of the firms biggest clients. Itís incredibly demanding and tough, fast paced, insane deadlines and turnaround times expected. Iím getting great feedback at work, that Iím doing a fantastic job but working is all Iím doing at the moment, I literally donít have a life outside of work and Iím not even maintaining my friendships.

I got engaged nearly a year ago and a running issue in my relationship, that is preventing any wedding planning in any sense, and making us both question the relationship, is that he is not ok with me doing the hours Iím doing and is constantly on my case about it and wants me to quit.

For context, my partner is really into the gym, health and fitness. Itís what he studied in college. Lately, he has expressed on numerous occasions that he is not ok with the fact that I donít work out or do anything other than work and he has even gone so far as to say that he will not stay in a relationship or consider having kids with me as I live such an unhealthy lifestyle working all the time.

Iím not overweight but could definitely be fitter. He argues that Iím just incredibly unhealthy as I work all the time, have no hobbies and he also thinks the amount I work prevents him from being more successful in his career as he picks up the slack at home, looking after the dog and cooking more meals.

I donít want to quit just yet as I feel like Iím getting fantastic experience and I donít feel like I know enough yet to go in house to say an asset management company.

I would love to hear from anyone who maybe experienced anything similar i.e. your partner is not ok with the hours you work and how you managed it, do I need to learn how to push back more and say no? (Iím bad bad bad at this but also it doesnít feel possible most of the time), has anyone went in-house and found life got easier with a better work life balance?

I would really love to go to the gym more and have a healthier lifestyle, but I canít seem to get the energy to go these days, thereís always something urgent that arrives in my inbox that turns the day upside down and going to the gym is the last thing on my mind when I work until 11 and am already thinking about starting work early again to get 2hours of work in before clients come online and Iím answering ďqueriesĒ for the day / putting out other ďurgentĒ fires.

Iím starting to feel like a complete failure, stressing about work non stop and my relationship failing. I need help and am lost.
Due to the crazy workload, many top lawyers are usually single or divorced. Those that are married usually settle down and start their families late (in their 40s when they are EP and have more rest time).

That said, your partner sounds superficial af. Of all things to pick on, he picks on your lack of gym attendance. If he has chosen a lawyer as his future partner, he should be aware that long working hours are the norm. For him to nitpick this and that now, sorry to say, he may already be having someone outside but simply doing this with the hopes that you dump him and he is free to branch to the next woman.

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