A bit clickbaity title, but I just wanted to get a gauge if this kind of struggle is normal or if it's indicative that I'm just not a good fit for the civil service.
I just started my job in January at
MOE HQ and it's been 9 months. I seem to be struggling a lot more than my peers. It's always the little errors that get to me. Every single time I send out a submission, my boss will IM me telling me something I did wrong.
E.g.
I should have listed out the person's full name according to their email.
I should have used a comma instead of a semi colon.
I should have linked this instead of attaching it.
I should have used "Regards" instead of "Faithfully yours".
I should be very formal with this officer from another ministry, but not this one, even though they are of the same standing.
It's gotten to a point where I stress over it so much and take so long to send out submissions. I literally wait with dread for the next few minutes if my boss will IM me. It's not only that, even the work I produce often gets criticized heavily. E.g. Formatting, this is not useful for gov, this should be phrased another way...
Nowadays, I just don't know what sort of mindset I should have - sometimes, little things that I change seem minor so I change them and send it out, but I get it pointed out and that I should have informed the boss. Other times, I follow exactly as they say and then I'm asked why I didn't make the changes by myself as they are minor and don't need approval. Things that are fine for me are not fine for my boss (e.g. should have used a certain font size, should have added paragraph break). Things that I find weird are not weird for my boss.
This feels like a huge warning sign bcs these are minor things that I can't even get right. Which means even if I work harder, it won't change that I just lack the intellect for the civil service. [Basically, I'm stupid lah hahaha]
I'm not here to ask everyone to judge if I'm right or I'm wrong; I see myself as wrong for the system. My boss has outright told me I'm making a lot more mistakes than the normal newbie and has been implying that I'm slow or not thinking hard enough. I feel like I just don't have the correct mindset for CS. I know I'm more careless than the usual person, but even with the amount of time I spend just obsessively looking through the email, I still get at least one thing wrong.
My boss is kind and I hope it doesn't sound like I'm painting him as a bad person. He has told me he doesn't want to nitpick, but he does it because it just is the culture here. So now, I'm not sure is it something that I can continue picking up or by 9 months, it's indicative that CS is not a good fit for me. Because every single submission I've sent out in the past month has gotten me into minor trouble.
I'm not going to quit my job now as I'm more than grateful to have one now, but I'm thinking more long-term as I feel like these are warning signs. Have you guys gone through such experiences before? Did things get better, and how long did it take?